I’d like to take a moment here to indicate that this is truly where paranoia will begin to set in. If there is any psychiatry resident reading this, Sumer would make a fantastic subject. This guy is literally a walking DSM-V.
Let’s read the next paragraph:
you will notice phone calls, parents trying to talk to you, etc, because imagination of jealous scientists out there is controlling them and using them to delay your mission
DAMNIT! I’ve noticed phone calls in recent days, and my parents tried to talk to me. THEY ARE DELAYING THE MISSION! The scientists! They’re jealous and they are controlling my parents through the sun!
They need more white, in my opinion.
using them to control you so you can not become “THE TWO”
or “THE THREE”
So after “THE ONE” there is something else? You can become “THE TWO” or “THE THREE”? Can I be “THE TEN BILLIONTH”?
spread the truth and watch the money roll in like butter.
it gets better and better. do not worry about money at all.
i’ll give it to you, billions, whatever.
Now I’m interested. Really, really interested. No need to give me billions, Sumer, a couple of millions will do. By the way, how did that work out for you (hint for readers: it didn’t work very well)? Rich yet?
By the way, is that a real English idiom? Roll in like butter? Are you saying that butter is that valuable? A pound of butter is about four bucks, so a thousand pound would be $4,000. That’s still very far “billions” you fucking tool. How much fucking butter do we need? WHAT DO YOU WANT TO DO WITH SO MUCH BUTTER, KOLCAK?
Oh wait, I think I get it: butter is WHITE! That’s why! I googled “roll in like butter” in quotes… And 6 out of the 8 results were a repost of his rant on several websites, including a car forums, no less. And it gets better and better? Better and better, or butter and butter?
but they will try to leave you broke so you can’t execute
if you got $10 left in your bank account, use it wisely
or just use the internet forums, cheap and free way to
spread the truth.
Is it cheap or is it free? Make up your mind!
“They”? The jealous scientists? How are they going to do that? How are they going to leave you broke?
Oh well, now would perhaps be the best time to introduce Sumer Kolcak and his IRS problem. Here is a “picture” explaining it.
It’s all mafia, I’m telling you.
and here is his LiveLeaks post explaining it better (or, should I say, less worse):
it Appears either E-TRADE is submitting them to IRS
as ” EARNED INCOME ” or IRS is assuming it is ” EARNED INCOME ”
Sumer Kolcak lost $180k+ in 2006.
No Income Was Generated ( Made ).
IRS assumed Sumer Kolcak Made $42 million in 2006.
and placed a $16 million lien to his name. in U.S.A
his company names were all suspended in 2008 and 2009 respectively.
Wait… This guy traded for 42 millions in stock in 2006 (how is that guy even allowed to trade at all?)? He lost $180k like it was nothing? (assuming there were real dollars and not “white dollars from the cosmos”, but everything I’ve read so far seems to indicate those are real dollars). He had several company names? He has a $16 millions IRS debt? What? WHAT?
Oh, and Sumer, you actually lost “$30k+” more in that post than in your picture. I understand, it’s an easy mistake to make. I, too, lose track of $30k almost everyday.
Well this is 2006 tax records we are talking about.
this year IRS filed a tax lien on my name and on my social security number with the assumption that i had made $42 million dollars in 2006.
I have my records, i lost $180k in 2006 and i had only $30k left in my account and i quit trading stocks.
Oh wait, this makes sense. Going from $210,000 to $30,000 in a year where the dow jones goes up 16.29%. Why am I not surprised? Also, this looks like the kind of mistake everyone does everyday. “We think you earned $42,000,000 last year. Oh, you actually lost $180,000? Sorry for the mistake, Sumer!”
Here is the kind of company I imagine Sumer invested in:
DOW:WCU – White Clothing Unlimited
White Clothing Unlimited is specialized in making white clothes and shaving supplies; it helps to connect with “The Void.” WCU also sells scarescrows and sunscreen.
One. One. One. One. This speculative investing fund buys one share in every company in the world.
Invest in BUTR and watch money roll in like butter. It will give you billions, whatever.
The Bear Stearns Companies, Inc, is a New York base global investment bank and securities trading and brokerage firm. Its main business areas are capital markets, wealth management and global clearing services.
01010100 01101000 01101001 01110011 00100000 01101001 01110011 00100000 01100001 00100000 01110011 01110100 01101111 01100011 01101011 00100000 01110100 01101000 01100001 01110100 00100000 01101001 01110011 00100000 01100101 01101001 01110100 01101000 01100101 01110010 00100000 01110111 01101111 01110010 01110100 01101000 00100000 00110001 00101100 00100000 01101111 01110010 00100000 00110000 00101110
Specialized in handling critical data such as “any color that isn’t white is responsible for abusing humanity”, DATA offers high-security hosting and successfully competes with Youtube, Jumpcut and every single website on the web.
A stock that you can only buy in your sleep when wearing all white and only if your legs are perfectly shaved. This stock is perfect and can never crash.
After that “lien”, Summer went as far to harass E-trade. Now, any idea what he might have told them? “I WILL TURN YOU ALL INTO IMMORTAL I AM A TERRORIST MASTERMIND!” No, he said, amongst other things:
If e-trade does not do something about this error, I may take actions that may not be so legal that may land me behind bars.
HOLD YOURSELVES ACCOUNTABLE
OR DEAL WITH THE CONSEQUENCES
Is it me or that’s actually pretty damn clear? I mean, what did you expect, Sumer? In any event, Questrade decided to, huge surprise, file for a restraining order. Damn them, right? Wait – are they the jealous scientists, maybe?
Now, if you have a restraining order against yourself, what is the last thing you should ever do? I don’t know, I never had one, so I’m asking. I’m supposing, however, that “Posting it in full on the internet” is amongst the top choices:
and on Liveleak, for extra exposure, why not?
Here is a short quote from the injunction I like a lot:
“On October 2, 2012, I sent an email to Mr. Kolcak informing him that E*TRADE would waive any fee associated with his request for a copy of the tax document. The same day, I conducted an online search of Mr. Kolcak. I discovered a Youtube page under the name of Sumer Kolcak (www.youtube.com/user/SumerKolcak187) that b contained bizarre videos, some of which referenced E*TRADE. For example, one video, titled “Facebook Stock IPO (E-trade is already scamming people with it),” is of a cake decorated by Mr. Kolcak, with references to Facebook’s IPO. There is a piece of paper visible in the video containing the statement “American Fuck You!””
Here is the video in question:
I would say “bizarre” is a gentle term to describe it. This is weird as fuck, man! Aside from that, the cake is white, so where’s the problem?
Facebook IPO: BUENO!
What’s going on? It was too hard to print the word “Bueno”? You had to go buy chocolate to make the video?
You know what is the weirdest? These videos were posted before Facebook went public (i.e. allowing everyone to invest in it by buying shares). Sumer predicted a ”60-90% crash” following the IPO. And you know what? He wasn’t that far off! That’s… That’s what’s so amazing with him. He actually managed to predict the Facebook IPO crash! What the hell?
The fun thing is, he posted that video on May 10th. The IPO was held on May 18th, 2012. Who the fuck buys a cake 8 days in advance? Was it honestly that hard and that long to decorate that it took eight fucking days? Is a cake really still good after eight days anyway? Another video had the summary “Sumer Kolcak is assigned to cover the Facebook IPO.” Assigned by who - the void?
And here is another great video: “Returning the Letters back to Amazon”
What? What the fuck? Why would you even return fucking letters to Amazon? Why even bother? Are letters honestly that expensive? Are they even worth more than the cost of shipping? Couldn’t you get them from a dollar store? Honestly? And the worst thing is the description: “They must be returned back to Amazon.” They “must” be returned? Why?
Why is he so fucking obsessed with the Facebook IPO anyway? Why would he buy a cake for that? Why did he bother decorating it? Why upload six different videos of it? Why, why, why? I don’t get it. Back to our main post:
right now i am broke, i almost committed suicide many
No shit. I could have never guessed, Sumer.
they were controlling my imagination, but it’s too
late now, the code is cracked.
It’s too late. The code has been cracked. YOU GOT THAT JEALOUS SCIENTISTS, IT’S TOO LATE!
do not have any fear, i am on your side 100%, if you
have some jealousy in you, ignore it to the best you
can, it’s not real you, it’s them trying to make you
feel jealous. it’s the dark colors around you sucking
up your imagination so you can start feeling jealous
and start feeling hateful.
Back to the colors theme. And you know what the worst part is? Again, he actually does what he preaches! White apartment, white cake, this guy’s even got a white fucking umbrella. Then again, it doesn’t seem to be working too well. Actually, let me fix that – it certainly worked for the imagination part.
You know what the most shocking thing with this guy is? Well, in a way, he’s actually… How can I say… He’s actually coherent on some stuff! I mean, take his post on Stack Overflow:
I’m not a pro with Linux, but he’s able to do all that, and understand it at least to a point. He can code – at least a bit. That’s more than most people! This guy can create at least a draft of a website, he’s clearly not totally dumb. And yet he posts all that crap on white and void! How? This… This guy is a walking enigma, and this is what really puts Sumer above all other nutjobs on the web. He can actually code… kinda!
put a white paper on them and your imagination will
For anyone wondering where I get my inspiration for writing… My secret is out now. The code has been cracked.
That being said, if you ever see me with white hair and no eyebrows, you know… Shoot me.
i call the shots, have no fear at all. get rid of
anything that is not 100% white.
Very few things are actually “100% white,” Sumer. Even “white undershirt and underpants” have labels that are not “100% white”. Oh wait, am I supposed to cut the label? OF COURSE! HOW COULD I NOT UNDERSTAND THIS!
You know, I really wonder if it would be possible to live in a “100% white” world anyway. Scientists, experiment! Man, Sumer would make an amazing movie.
do not deny
yourself sunlight, just try not getting sun-burned is all.
sun-light will ensure you stay healthy and sharp
as you execute this mission.
get naked get some sunlight, when going outside
be careful, do not make eye contact with jealous losers
do not wear anything black.
Wait, this actually makes sense… If I ever get naked and go outside to get some sunlight, the last thing I’m ever doing is making eye contact with people, Sumer.
wear a white hat on top of your shaved head.
do not give a fuk about anyone’s voice, do not listen
to them, do not get excited, do not give into temptation
you have a true love out there somewhere that wants you.
you will find the right one if you just follow my orders.
Any “true love” I would meet while “naked, with a shaved head, eyebrows waxed, wearing a white hat, while trying to not make eye contact with anyone and while trying not to listen to their voice” is going to be, well… Not too good.
I CALL THE SHOTS, FIND ME, ASK ME WHAT IS GOING ON.
i’ll turn you into “THE TWO” or “THE THREE” have no fear.
After reading his entire post a couple of times, I think I get it: Sumer is THE ONE, and whoever follows him becomes THE TWO or THE THREE. How is that decided? I have no idea. Maybe it’s first-come, first-served. Hell I wanna be the two. Fuck you, I am next in line, you can be “THE THREE” after me. Or are they levels? Can there be “ONE ONE, “TWO TWOS, “THREE THREES” and so on? This is a pyramid or something? A plan by the Illuminati and the Freemasons?
Dan Brown, I think I found the plot for your next novel. Hell forget Dan Brown, this is my next novel. It’s going to be called “Follow THE ONE, become THE TWO or THE THREE.” Its plot will revolve about everyone being a number and jealous scientists who want to be THE ONE themselves. That’s it, honestly there isn’t much more to it at the moment. It’s a work in progress. Maybe I can take Sumer as a co-author (we will put a white book jacket, I promise.)
stay away from cheap stores, only go to luxury places
even if there is no parking left.
Even if there are no parking left???? Are you sure, supreme being? ABSOLUTELY SURE?
be careful even with luxury places
Again, I have to congratulate Sumer for doing what he preaches. Sumer is a huge fan of Apple stores. He has bought at least 5 iPads in the last two years – want to guess which colors he got them? Hint: Apple offers two choices: black or white.
There is one thing I simply do not understand: we can’t go to cheap stores and we have to be careful in luxury places? So no place is safe, that’s what you say (yeah, that’s what he’s saying – jealous scientists, man).
those rich dudes
are jealous as well. try not saying “hi” to anyone
try not breahing the same air people are breathing.
get a nice air purifier for your room.
I could see this as a warning plastered as a warning all around town: “DO NOT BREATH THE SAME AIR AS OTHER PEOPLE, JEALOUS SCIENTISTS WILL GET TO YOU!”
New theme: the air! After the colors, after the noise… Now it’s the fucking air. Only two senses left, Sumer: taste and touch. Do not disappoint me.
Also, rich dudes are jealous… So after the scientists, now it’s the time for “rich” to be jealous? Or are they the same people? The “enemy,” Sumer?
take a nice showever once in a while
Yeah, a “showever” helps to find “true love.”
make sure your room’s walls are white, if they are not
white, either paint it or stick some white papers on it.
“Daddy, why did you cover all the walls with white paper?”
“IT’S THE JEALOUS SCIENTISTS, SON! THEY’RE COMING TO GET US! DO NOT BREATH THE SAME AIR AS ME”
YOU DO WHAT I SAY, FIND ME FOR MORE DATA.
even if you are BROKE, find me. i will spark you.
if you do it right, you will never go broke, you’ll
just keep getting more and more money from places.
If you ever wondered how Sumer can afford all that (how he can afford to live at all), it’s because his parents are rich. So when he says “from places,” he means “from his father’s bank account.” In fact, Sumer posted his full bank account on a public forum once, asking his dad to deposit money in it. You can tell the two are probably not that close anymore. At the very least, they have very some very weird way to communicate (not that I’m surprised).
Oh yeah, on suicideproject, Sumer said his dad gave him $280 a week for “living expenses”. At 30. That’s not too bad money. But in a way, if that’s all his father has to pay to fix his mistake, it’s actually fairly damn cheap.
do not smell the money too much, everything contains
imagination from sickness and jealousy.
Do not breath the same air as the money! It contains “imagination” from “sickness and jealousy!”
You know what? The hidden message I get here is that Sumer is really fucking broke himself. But no worries - if you are broke yourself, go to sleep naked in a white bed with white pillows, you’ll wake up rich apparently (if you have a rich dad, and if the next morning happens to be the day the next check comes in, and if $280 is “waking up rich” apparently).
FIND MORE DATA
do these things and i promise you will find your true
do not be one of those people that get married just
so they can be seen as “hey look i am not a perver.t”
give up on marriage until you know the right one
through this code i will give you.
Do these things? The being naked and all that part? Spoiler: Sumer is still single (it’s not accurate to the day, but I feel pretty confident posting it here permanently. If a lady is really crazy enough to date him, PLEASE make a blog about your experience).
There is one thing I haven’t brought up yet: Sumer is completely obsessed with Britney Spears. He bought the domain love “britney.co” and felt really proud and happy about that because people could mistype “britney.com” and end up on his website (poor them). Yeah.
“True love,” yeah. Is that the second restraining order, Sumer?
maybe the one you want is already married and screwed
with, do not worry, time travel is possible it can be
fixed and modified until you are satisfied 100%.
Married and screwed? Yeah, for once, that makes sense.
It can fixed until I’m satisfied 100%? Does this come with a satisfaction guarantee? 100% satisfied or you get your “void dollars” back?
But hold on a second… What if Sumer has already modified the past? WHAT IF HE STOLE MY FUTURE WIFE?
EVERYTHING IS POSSIBLE. GIVE UP ON FEARS, I WANT ZERO
That doesn’t work, Sumer. This sentence in itself scares me already.
jealousy is controlling everything through anything that
is not 100% white, including clothes, items in the house.
hair on your body, and even your eye lashes.
Oh, so now the scientists are using your clothes to control you! And even my own fucking eyelashes! God these scientists are MEAN.
And introducing the third and final part: Part 4, Batshit insane. Yes, it gets worse.