The Top Ten Most Annoying Hobos: 3) Muh-uh-nuuuuhhhh!



This guy… Holy shit, this guy… This fucking guy…

There are very little things scarier than an absolutely crazy, thick-bearded, filthy-to-the-bones hobo wearing an overused brown jacket screaming at the top of lungs: “MUH-UH- NUUUUUUUUHHHHHHHHHHHH” all night long while throwing strange and crazy looks at everyone.  This fucking guy spends his time walking in circles around every section, his hands inside his pockets, his whole body careening at every step. Seriously - this guy scares the hell out of me.

He is by far the weirdest person I have ever met in my life and I simply don’t know why he’s not in a mental hospital. Overcrowded, new budget, I don’t know. Once, he tried to order something at the counter, which basically consisted of him letting out his war cry for two minutes (MUUHHH! MUHHH!). The cashier was legit scared to death - not that I wouldn’t be – and immediately called the police. I didn’t see fagface for around a month but, like all bad things in life (cancer, war, my ex Erika), he always comes back.


Is there a knife in his jacket’s pocket? Is he going to stab someone? Around two years ago, a cop shot a homeless person, killing him. Now I have an idea why. Damn this guy scares me, he just… He just screams and yells and looks crazy…  In a single night, he can come in and out of the coffee shops dozens of times, spooking you every single time. Due to some extra sensorial ability, he can apparently sense whenever the cops are about to arrive and leave just in time.  On the night the cashier called the police, he left the place ten seconds before the police officers arrived – truly, he is a ghost… A batshit crazy ghost that will stab someone one day. Everything about him is scary, and you never want to sit when your back turned to the door (which means that if Staring Dyke is sitting opposite the door, you are fucked).

But you know what’s even totally weirder? I mean, totally fucking weird? I once met him while I was walking on the street and…

He was totally normal.

Now, understand this: he was totally normal for a hobo. I mean, he was dirty and all and begging for money, but… But he was acting in a much more normal manner. I mean, he asked for money clearly and I could hear him talk in a clear and even comprehensible French. He sounded polite with passersby and he definitely didn’t look insane; while he still had the same jacket, he moved and walked normally, definitely not erratically, and he didn’t appear threatening one bit. What the fuck?

Alternative theory: Gremlin


If he’s given money after midnight, he… I don’t know, take your own guess here.

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