I went to McDonald’s today (mistake #1) for their free coffee (mistake #2). In the span of thirty minutes, I saw:
- A guy who talked to his McNuggets. This would have been cute if the guy was 5 and with his parents. He was 50 and sat alone in a corner. I have no idea what he told them because it made no sense. I’ve never felt so scared in my life.
- A guy who dipped his fries in ketchup and then threw them at the wall. He shrieked in joy when he finally got one to stick.
- A moron who used the self-service soft drink station and let his drink overflow for a full thirty seconds. Perhaps he has the slowest reflex in the world, I don’t know.
- A guy who spent three minutes asking the (only) cashier about the menu. He even asked what was in a Big Mac. There was a growing line of customers behind him.
- A man who screamed at the self-order machine because it lagged. He then gave up halfway through his order and tried the second machine, yelled more and then went to order in person.
- Someone scratching his ass furiously for a full two minutes, under his pants and, presumably, underwear.
- Someone who gazed through the outside window and smiled widely for a full five minutes. It seemed he was admiring his reflection.
- A guy who ordered a free coffee, took the sticker (7 stickers = free coffee) and then threw his coffee in the trash. If you don’t like the coffee, why bother accumulating free ones?
- A guy who had six daughters. You could tell they were his given their respective sizes. They begged him for sweets, but he only took a large McFlurry. I like to think he’s going to share it with them, but honestly, I don’t think so. Also, what are the odds of getting six daughters out of six kids? Maybe he has sons too?
- A guy who ordered and then ate: a Big Mac, 20 McNuggets, two medium fries, a poutine, two large soft drinks not the Diet one, I’m sure) a sundae and two apple fritters. He went back to order 6 more McNugget. Now, the guy can eat what he wants, but you are looking at $35+ of food there just for the first order.
- A guy who ordered 3 fish-o-filet, or whatever you call them, took one bite from them, left them on the table and just… left. I never saw him again.
- A woman who filled at least a dozen ketchup cups. For one medium fries. To go. One way to get your money’s worth, I suppose.
- A guy who argued for a full minute over paying $0.15 for an extra dipping sauce for his McNuggets. Okay.
- A guy who took some wax crayons and proceeded to draw on the table. He was in his fifties. What he drew sucked.
- A man who brought his own utensils. This wouldn’t be so weird if he wasn’t using steak knives to cut his burger.
- A guy who came in with his big dog, a white Great Pyrenees, and then proceeded to ask his dog what he wanted when it was his turn to order. He asked his dog several times, finally ordered a big mac, gave the meat to his dog and ate the bread (and toppings, I guess) on the terrace.
This all happened in 30 minutes. On a calm Tuesday afternoon at 2PM. Seriously, is it always like that? It seems something in that restaurant attracts the weirdest of humanity maybe.