Whenever I’m depressed, I think about the Battle of Stalingrad and it cheers me up

Confession: I fucking hate the Nazis. I’m not sure I can express it correctly, but I really, really, really, REALLY hate Nazis. Up to the point where I regret not being born in the 1920s or something so I could blow some Nazis up. My ex Erika cheated on me with 3 different guys and I still hate her less than the Nazis.

Technically speaking, Nazis did not do anything to me. I am not a Jew or even that pro-Jew in general. So why do I hate them so much? Simple: Nazis embody everything that’s wrong with human nature. If I were to sum up everything that’s wrong with humanity, it would end up looking like the National Socialist Party.

And this is why the Battle of Stalingrad always cheers me up. Holy shit did the Nazis get annihilated in that battle. Some purists would say it was the Wermatch that got owned and not the Nazis, but let’s face it: it’s all the same. Anyone who fought for the Nazis is a Nazi in my book, period. If you shot one bullet at the Allies during World War II, you’re a Nazi or you are with them.

So a short summary of the events leading up to the battle: Hitler owns Poland, France, Belgium, the Netherlands, Denmark, Yugoslavia, Greece and Norway faster than it takes me to write a novel (literally). He has Britain in the ropes and had the UK been connected to Europe by land, it would have fallen just as quickly. Then, he decides to invade Russia and pretty much obliterates the Russian.

Until Stalingrad.

What begins as an “easy, already-won” battle (at one point, the German had 90% of the city) ends up being a turning point in the war, if not THE turning point. The German get obliterated so bad they pretty much never recover:

nazis

Do I have the right to be happy that 400,000 fucking Nazi pigs died in Stalingrad? That’s 400,000 fewer problems to deal with. Can I say a big “thank you” to the Russians who sacrificed their lives to stop that fucking asshole madman Hitler?

A few days ago, I was having a discussion with a guy from Estonia and he proclaimed that the soldiers in the Wermatch were just that: soldiers, not necessarily Nazis. “These people only joined the Army to defend their country!” he said. Defend their country? Defend it from what? Germany’s the one who invaded Poland. Germany’s the one who stirred up shit and started World War II. And don’t bring that “they wanted payback for World War I” – yeah, that explains why they invaded Russia without provocation, does it?

Anyone who willingly joined the Wermatch to invade other countries (to spread the Nazi ideology, don’t forget) deserves to die. Period. Imagine someone came to you and told you, “You are going to invade a country, murder civilian and destroy cities in a country that has done nothing to us so that Her Furher can continue his power trip and spread his racist bullshit antiquated ideologies to countries we have nothing to do with, murdering millions in the mean time.” How would you react? Yeah.

One thing that cheers me up just about as much as the Battle of Stalingrad is the fate of the ninth Army:

ninth army

Sometimes, I think about those 150,000 men trapped in a forest, surrounded by Russian forces and absolutely terrorized and it cheers me up. I imagine them being blown to bits by Katyushas and I laugh.

Sometimes, I wish I could be God watching over that forest while soldier after soldier gets reduced to a pile of gore. They say war isn’t funny, and I agree with that, unless it’s Nazis dying. As far as I’m concerned, Nazis aren’t human beings – ironic given that they considered so many races to be subhumans, but you get my drift.

If there’s one thing that makes me sick, it’s the stupid “pity party” that some people throw at dead German soldier. “That poor man had a family! A mother lost a son, a brother lost another brother, blah blah blah.” I remember reading a comic that showed a “poor Wermatch soldier” going home on vacations after his service, eager to see his wife and children, only to be shot by a “goddamn evil French resistance soldier.” The comic went as far as darkening the resistant’s face as he sniped the Nazi from a building. That damn evil man, shooting a Nazi unprovoked!

How many millions of civilians were murdered by these evil pigs? Then, there’s that big scandal about Russian raping German during their counter-invasion:

“Oh noes! We invaded Russia, murdered millions of citizens and now the Russians are doing the same!”

Because Germany never raped, tortured or murdered anyone during their invasion of pretty much all of Europe, of course. I’m not saying an eye for a eye make things right, I’m saying my reservoir of sympathy for the Nazi is running dangerously low.

“But but the civilians!”

The same civilians who voted for Hitler? The same civilians that let Hitler take all the power without saying a word? The same who dutifully paid their taxes so Germany could build an army? The same civilians who didn’t say a word while Hitler was murdering millions of innocent people? You’re talking about those civilians? Yeah, my reservoir of pity is running low.

Fuck the Nazis and fuck anyone who let them come to power.

Liked it? Take a second to support fscomeau on Patreon!

, , , ,