Sorry for cussing, but I just had to say it.
But seriously though: I made so much money since Donald Trump was elected that I might myself run for president one day (LOL).
In case you wonder, here’s the recipe for printing free money:
1. Wait for Donald Trump to tweet something stupid -OR- wait for something stupid to be tweeted about Donald Trump
Good examples would be: “PANIC!!!! Comey to testify! Trump is a Russian spy omg omg omg!” or “PANIC! COVFEFE! REEEEEEEEEE” Those are sure to crash the market 2-3% at least.
2. Immediately go long the market. All Trump scandals/Fake News are guaranteed never to last long (because they’re all crap).
Remember that “North Korea WARRRRR” that lasted perhaps 2 days? Or that “Trump told the FBI to stop its investigation on I-don’t-even-remember-his-name?” Yeah, me neither.
4. Enjoy your money!
Anyway, I just wanted to insist on how lucky you guys are to have such an amazing president. Here in Canada, we’re stuck with Trudeau, which is a fine leader if you enjoy watching your wife getting fucked by another man, but not so much otherwise.
Donald Trump is amazing. He’s even better than I thought he would be when I thought he would be amazing, and you guys are blessed to FINALLY have a leader who cares about you. I shiver when I imagine that parallel dimension where Hillary Clinton was elected. “Announcing the first amendment to the first amendment: Congress shall make no law respecting an establishment of religion, or prohibiting the free exercise thereof; or abridging the freedom of speech, or of the press; or the right of the people peaceably to assemble, and to petition the government for a redress of grievances, except when it concerns Muslims. All criticisms of Islam are now strictly prohibited.”
I still remember the moment I learned Donald Trump would be president. I was driving home after watching two shitty movies (of course I can’t remember what they were, how could I after learning The Donald would become president?), I turned on the radio and I learned that Trump was leading in Florida, Ohio and pretty much everywhere else. I remember checking the stock market futures and seeing a massive crash (5%+!). Then, I remember checking StockTwits and people going batshit crazy over UVXY. “Up 100% by morning!” some said.
Then, I remember the market recovering and actually opening green. With UVXY down 5%.
I admit I myself did not believe he could win. Some polls gave him a <1% chance to win. Some said it wasn’t even necessary to hold the elections: just hand it to Clinton. “Hillary Clinton: four more years of being ashamed of being white!”
I guess Americans are not as dumb as many say they are.
Seriously, can I insist on how amazing it is to have Donald Trump as president? That guy who was leading the Apprentice not too long ago? A real estate developer, president of the United States. Some days, I still cannot believe it really did happen. And don’t even get me started on how my portfolio is doing since then.
Thank you, oh based USA!
Remember: if you ever find yourself depressed, remind yourself that Donald Trump is president of the United States. There’s no reason to be depressed with Donald Trump leading the ship. For once, good triumphed over evil.